10 Rock & Metal Bands That Should Be Booked At GUY FIERI’s Flavortown Fest

Just like the lore of Springfield in The Simpsons, humanity has lengthy questioned the placement of a mystical realm identified solely as Flavortown. In 2024, we lastly discovered that Flavortown is in actual fact Columbus, Ohio and that the inaugural Flavortown Fest will likely be held there this summer season.

From the bleached-blond thoughts of movie star chef Man Fieri, Flavortown Fest will likely be a gathering of meals and music, with acts like Bret Michaels, Greta Van Fleet and Kane Brown confirmed to carry out. The remainder of the lineup has but to be revealed, so we have some suggestions for the Mayor of Flavortown if he is nonetheless trying to fill his plate with killer acts.

We’re not saying Flavortown will likely be serving human flesh all through the pageant, but when they’re, Cannibal Corpse ought to completely be booked. Everyone knows Corpsegrinder loves himself some BBQ, and if Fieri is bringing all his Downtown Flavortown claw machines to the Ohio pageant grounds, you realize Cannibal Corpse will play the fest rattling close to without cost.

Each pageant desires Metallica to headline, however Man Fieri is an precise “Metallica junkie.” The Mayor of Flavortown professed his Metallica fandom throughout an interview with blink-182‘s Mark Hoppus, however sadly revealed that his wife doesn’t let him blast metal at home events. Bummer.

For the reason that Flavortown Fest is throwing basic rock and nation into their sonic meals processor, they need to seize bluegrass thrashers The Native Howl. The Michigan band brings good vibes and tons of power… excellent for when the solar remains to be up and also you’re getting buzz on. 

Do you know thrashers Sacred Reich have a funk rock tune referred to as “31 Flavors”? From their 1990 album, The American Approach, “31 Flavors” closes out the file by emulating Faith No More‘s type, even shouting them out a number of occasions within the lyrics. The remainder of the observe is about piling up a fucking tower of ice cream. Bust out the deep reduce at Flavortown Fest!

Dad vibes meets Flavortown? It simply works. It is assured that any human being attending Flavortown Fest has at the least a slight appreciation for Fred Durst and the boys. Simply image Fred Durst in a flaming button-down shirt screaming about how he did all of it for the nookie. We’d like this as a species. 

In the event you’re not Flavortown connoisseurs like us, chances are you’ll be unfamiliar with Man Fieri‘s “Motley Que” type of BBQ. It is the way in which Fieri serves up his pulled pork, whether or not in a sandwich or together with his trash can nachos. Think about watching Mötley Crüe carry out at Man Fieri‘s pageant whereas shoving Motley Que nachos into your facehole. Heaven is really a spot on Earth. 

If there’s ever been an viewers for David Vincent‘s (of Morbid Angel and Vltimas) nation facet undertaking, it is the oldsters at Flavortown. Look, Bret Michaels is enjoying the fest, so why not one other steel legend who instantly began sporting cowboy hats? Hell, throw in a bro nation model of “The place the Slime Stay.” It could not be any weirder than what nation music in the end has in retailer for us in 2024. 

What’s this? One other flavor-related steel tune? Add it to the rattling invoice! In 2023, brutal slam steel band Gutsaw wrote “The Taste of Flesh,” possible after taking only one orgasmic chunk of Fieri‘s Loopy Cuban Sandwich. Throw Gutsaw on at midday as a mid-day appetizer. 

It would not matter if he reveals up with Soulfly, Cavalera Conspiracy or Go Ahead And Die, we simply wanna hear some killer thrash whereas chowing down on Max‘s Brazilian BBQ. The steel legend confirmed Steel Injection his surefire recipe for grilled rooster a couple of years again, and it wants the final word Man Fieri seal of approval!

Please Lord, I want a spiky-haired Shifty Shellshock singing “Butterfly” onstage with Man Fieri. I’ve by no means prayed for something in my life, not even in my darkest moments, so please… simply give me this one. Thanks prematurely and see you at Flavortown.